A week ago I was anxiously sitting by this very computer awaiting word from the school district which I interviewed for the previous Friday. They had said they wanted to fill a dozen positions with quick turn around and answers either way by Tuesday (last week).
As the week went on and no email came in, my spirits continued to sink. WAY down. Bad thoughts went through my head about my own self worth and my abilities as not only a teacher, but as a person at all. And to a certain extent, those thoughts are definitely still swimming in my head.
As a result, Hubby and I were irrationally mean to each other all weekend long. Completely uncool. And I indeed questioned my faith. "In all things God works for the good of those who love Him who are called according to His purpose". Romans 8:28 has been a very active verse in my head for fifteen years, ever since I sang an anthem of it in my campus ministry choir. Yet I spent the weekend wondering what the good is when God would let us save our house, only to lose it a few months later because apparently I an unworthy of a simple para pro job. Steve said something jokingly about winning the lottery and I said that I don't want to win the lottery, I want a JOB. I don't want a hand out. I want to PROVIDE. And I want Hubby to not be resentful of me anymore because I am not pulling my share of the weight.
So, as distraught as I am, I broke the rules that were listed on the K12 jobs website and called the human resources office a few minutes ago. They told me that they were having budget problems and were delayed and I should hear by next week. Good news...there's still hope. Bad news...did I kill that hope by nagging? It doesn't really matter now. What's done is done.
Unlike last time, I actually didn't take my panic out on the kids this weekend. We actually had an okay weekend.
Friday night I volunteered Steve and myself to make popcorn and serve pizza for the school movie night. They showed Bedtime Stories.
Saturday I was determined to do SOMETHING with the kids since we spend so many weekends sitting round wishing we could do something. I decided to take the boys roller skating at a rink near their school instead of the one we've gone to several times before. I figured we were more likely for them to see friends from school or scouts if we went to the city where they attended both of those activities. Not only did we SEE people they knew, we ran in to a birthday party from scouts that we had been invited to but completely forgotten about. The parents invited both boys to join the party. Noah also saw a girl from his class last year and they skated a few laps together as well. After much arguing over the derby cars needing to get built, Steve spent time outside with a hand saw cutting out the design for the cars while we were gone.
Steve had to work Sunday morning and we were supposed to meet him at church. Lazy and sullen Mommy didn't get her big booty out of bed in time and we missed the service. About mid afternoon, it started snowing...hard. It was clear that we were looking at another storm and we truly got dumped on, not surprised to wake up this morning to a snow day. Since the boys have conferences Thursday and Friday, it will be a two day week for them. Sunday afternoon I sat down to work on number tables with Aaron and Noah went downstairs to investigate a noise he heard. He found Daddy downstairs with the neighbor's dremmel trying to smooth out some of the edges of their cars and I was really proud of my hubby for handing the dremmel over to Noah to let him work on his car. Noah is more proud of his car this year since he got to have a bigger part in the cutting. Later this afternoon when the roads are a little more clear, we will be heading out to buy sandpaper and I imagine they will be sanding their cars the rest of the afternoon. Then next weekend will be painting time and ready for the derby in two weeks.
So, amid a little despondency on my part, I am managing to keep a good face on for the kids for now. Who knows? Maybe the prayers really WILL be answered next week.
I really feel like it's our turn to have things work out for us. We've put in our time.