2 Days Left

Stay At Home Mom
What a Dream Job!

I kind of sort of had that job for the last five years. Only sort of though. Ever since Aaron's first birthday when my teaching license expired and I had failed to find the money or motivation to take the required college credits to renew it, I became a mom. I never got to FULLY embrace the role since the minute Steve got home from work every day I've had to rush out the door to go spend my evenings teaching piano lessons. Unfortunately economy doesn't allow one to make a full income teaching piano and so as a result for the last five years we have struggled constantly to make ends meet.

I always said that after my kids were finally in school, it would be time to go back into the work place. That time arrived this past fall and it was not so easy to just "hop" back into working. I tried EVERYTHING to find a day job and nothing worked. I, who used to get called for an interview for EVERY job I applied for before kids, never got called for a single one since I started job hunting in September.

Then came building up to Christmas and panic set in, not only because we came so stinking close to losing the house, but also the reality of having NOTHING for the kids for Christmas. So in desperation one day, I found myself trolling the mall in a major depressed state. And wandering into Kohl's and applying for a job night stocking.

After several weeks of waiting I did indeed get hired. And as you all know, I worked like crazy, got sicker than I ever thought I could be, and did indeed provide a nice Christmas for the boys.

Then a week after Christmas, when I found out that I was no longer going to be working as a seasonal employee, it became clear that that money I had made during that six weeks was absolutely necessary. So began the struggle again.

But it also seemed pretty stupid that I was looking at minimum wage jobs when I had a college degree. So, after putting up with my mother in law's endless nagging and scolding as well as some loving nudges from my own parents, I finally faced the fact that it was finally time to head down the road to substitute teaching. So I filled out the paperwork, paid the ridiculously high cost of fingerprinting, did all of the online training and unburied my expired teaching license.

And as of Monday morning after an introductory two hour meeting, I will be an employee of the company that provides subs to the majority of schools in the area.

And I'm terrified!!!!!!!

What if I can't control a classroom anymore? How do I handle a class that I have no connection with? What if they play all the stupid tricks on me that kids do to subs? Will I be able to control my temper enough when I get frustrated?

OR.......

What if I find that I love being back in a classroom again? What if I find that I want to renew my license and be a teacher again?

I sit here on my second to last day of being a "stay at home mom". I could work on my subbing "bag of tricks" to get ready. I could go to goodwill to find some"teacher clothes" since I literally have nothing to wear in a classroom right now since I've had a mommy wardrobe for the last five years.

But right now, I'm kind of emotionally stuck. Did five years really go by that quickly? Wow.

I really hope that this becomes a good thing for me personally as well as us financially. It needs to. It really is our last hope.

I hope I can do it. How can everyone else be so certain that I'll do a great job when I have no confidence in it whatsoever?

I'm so scared...