Do you ever have BAD Mommy Moments?
Do you ever act the opposite of how you want to be as a mommy?
Do you admit your mistake to the "victim"
Do you apologize?
Do you try to make it up to your child?
Do you worry that you're scarring them for life?
Do you worry that you aren't doing any better than your own mom?
Do you worry that your child will harbor the same bad memories from your parenting that you have from your own?
These are the questions I wrestle with every day.
And they become worse on days of MAJOR Bad mommying.
So often I try to tell myself that I am doing better than my own mom. But is that really good enough?
I work so hard to battle my demons. Why do they still slip out.
The scenario changes very rarely: Child does something inappropriate, mommy gets angry, mommy overreacts, child gets upset.
I have come a long way. I used to yell about everything...just like my mother did to me.
I have worked very hard to try to break this habit. Our children are only young once. I only have one shot at this thing called parenting. So I am trying to do my best.
But every so often, I slip. I get angry and yell and say things I don't want to say.
Then comes the BIG R
Then come the questions.
Did I overreact?
What would the appropriate response have been?
Why didn't I handle it that way?
Is an apology in order?
Or did the child in question really have it coming to them?
The last question is easy...probably not at this age.
Growing up, there were several punishments for my misbehavior.
One...sent to my room for an inordinate amount of time, only to be over when my mom either left for work or forgot about me long enough that I could sneak out. Either way, there was sometimes the question of "What did I do in the first place" lingering in my mind.
Two...THE WOODEN SPOON! Many wooden spoons were broken on my bottom. Before I was out of elementary school, I learned that if mom was chasing me to spank me, I could lie down on my back, kick my feet in the air like I was riding a bicycle, and my mom would have to give up, returning beck to Number One above.
Three...No matter which of the above two were chosen, it was always accompanied by a screaming lecture about how terrible of a child I was.
About a year after Steve and I were married, a pschychic told me to "Never have kids."
This prediction comes back to em each and every time I have a bad mommy moment. Am I really rearing another generation of children who will feel toward their upbringing as I feel about mine?
How am I attempting to break the cycle?
Here's the plan I follow:
Time outs are big...they DO work
Spankings are extremely rare
My children DO get sent to their room, but always with the time limit being told to them.
If my children or myself are yelling, I try to wait until all parties are calmed down and then we DO talk about the offenses, how they should be different next time, and if necessary, apologies by both parties if screaming was involved.
I can;t expect my child to show self control when angry if I can;t model it myself.
Long Story Short...I am a BIG work in progress.
I hope it's enough to allow my boys to know that they are loved so much and when mommy yells, I still love them with all of my heart.
P.S. I did apologize to my son this morning...